"I love you darling,
muah".
"Rajesh! You are in the office, people might hear you speak," chided a blushing Anjali. Her face flushed, both by the exhilaration she felt from her husband's impulsiveness and her own
embarrassment by it. She was the shy kind, sticking to her own tiny gang of friends, never voicing her opinion out loud, if at all she had any. She was happy to be drifting through life unnoticed.
Rajesh, a hotshot manager in one of those big
kickass corporate companies in the city, was a workaholic. His work and his company's goals were his priority. But, not for the last two months. The last two months was a frenzy. He was in love and nothing could grab his attention. His time stood still, while everything and everyone around him whirred past.
It
was a year since their marriage, Rajesh stood there letting what just happened sink in. He never imagined that bare knuckles alone could bring about so much blood and ugliness. He had seen many a fist fight on television, but had only a faint idea what a punch could really do. He saw today the enormity and intensity of a real punch, it was nothing like in the movies. What he saw in front of him was entirely different. Anjali had been hit, it was he who hit her. In the dim afternoon light of their bedroom Rajesh saw with vivid detail what a strong punch could really do!
He stared at Anjali as she lay on the floor, sobbing. He could see a gash on her left cheek, where his blow fell, blood was oozing out of it dripping down her chin. She swelled right before his eyes, fluid filling her cheek with each passing second, causing a sad
asymmetry in the face he proclaimed he loved so dearly. She lay there whimpering, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."
He hit her out of reflex more than anything else.
Earlier that afternoon, they were in bed making love. Their love making was
placid, the initial excitement of exploring each others body was all gone. Now sex
was just plain dull sex. Rajesh went into the bathroom to wash up and Anjali headed to the kitchen to fix lunch
.It was just another normal Sunday.
"Anjali, why did you leave the fan and AC switched on in the room?" called out Rajesh as he entered the kitchen.
"
uff oh Rajesh, you were in the room too, why didn't you switch it off yourself?"
"You always want me to do everything around here. I wonder if I'm your mom," Anjali playfully teased Rajesh.
"What did your momma teach you? You cannot launder your clothes, you cannot make an
omelet, forget
omelet, you cannot even make your own bed!" she said poking him and laughing. Rajesh cringed inside.
Anjali went into the bedroom
and switched off the ceiling fan, turned around and feigning mockery said, "There, all you have to do is flick the switch with your index finger
lil boy, hope you caught on to the concept."
"Anjali
,stop." Rajesh's calm was being replaced by uncomfortable tenseness.
"Why baby
,whats wrong, don't
worry I don't expect you to get it right the first time. Keep practicing dear, you will get there," she jabbed at him.
Rajesh's face lost all expressions. Unpleasant memories exploded in his head, all the bullying at school, vain adolescent battles with the bigger and stronger guys in class, teacher's ridicule, dad's insults - all of it came flooding back to him. He remembered the nights he cried himself to sleep, not being able to fight back with the people and things that seemed so much bigger and stronger than him. He could almost touch the feeling of
powerlessness he felt then.
"Rajesh, I can't believe you are this dumb. At times I wonder if it is all an act," Anjali
said rolling her eyes in fake mockery, thoroughly enjoying pulling her husband's leg. In one sudden impulsive moment, Rajesh balled his fist, pulled his arm back and slammed his fist into Anjali's left cheek.
She flew off the ground, hit the wall a few feet away and collapsed on the floor. She lay there, midway between consciousness and unconsciousness, desperately trying to comprehend what just happened and the reason for it. She began to cry, and in a low hushed voice said, " I'm sorry
...I'm sorry
,I was just joking. I'm sorry Rajesh....." She said it over and over again as he looked down at her. He was also shocked about what had happened. But his face was still void of expression and his fist still balled up as he felt the rush of emotions - a mixture of shame, guilt, strength, power and repugnance.
Rajesh would
apologise to Anjali for his nefarious
behaviour. She would accept his apology. She would lie to people about her face. He would say how much he loved her. She would believe it, she would have to believe it. She needed to believe it.
He would hit her again.
Dedicated to all the women suffering in silence. SPEAK UP. Your fear is your biggest enemy, not his fury.
